a travel diary about a trip to sri lanka i took with my partner (at the time) melloy, my mother chits, and my brother sean in january of 2012. though i've seemingly spent the last twenty years blogging, this was the only time in my life i made it a point to journal daily.

SRI LANKA 2012: THE PHOTO GALLERY is a visual companion to this wall of text.

NOTE: deadnames have been censored.

in the criminal justice syst... i mean, in january, three r********ms and a melloy took a trip to sri lanka. this is that story, as told from where i was standing.

DAY ONE

our first day mostly involved jetlag and naps.

sri lanka seems incredibly foreign to me. much moreso than hong kong, where i felt i could easily live. the r********m compound (my self-centered nickname for what's actually the pieris compound) is just as i remember it from childhood, though.

i was getting bummed about how short melloy's stay is, but i think we've figured out a plan for the week that really makes the most of her time here. tomorrow we head to the jayatilake compound. and see elephants!

so... scratching bug bites makes them go away faster, right?

DAY TWO

i was massacred last night. they took every bit of skin they could see. they stole my blood, my life force, my ka. i had horrifying dreams of murder and fright, no doubt due to these bloodsucking vermin. my knees each have at least 5 or 6 bites each, approaching coin size. i can barely bend them.

luckily, today involved lots of walking.

we left the r********m/pieris compound (the paternal side of the family) to head to the jayatilake compound (the maternal side). our driver is a gentleman named merrill, and the trip was a little over three hours.

i haven't had a chance to mention it yet, but driving in sri lanka is insanity. its not every man for himself, not quite, because once you pick up on the patterns you realize the drivers are actually quite allowing of other drivers. nor is it that anyone is driving dangerously fast, because if you watch the odometer you'll see they aren't. no, its just that... somehow a unique form of traffic has developed here alone that must make sense if you learn it natively but would kill any of us who tried to adapt to it.

our first stop: the elephant orphanage. after buying spicy mango from some sweet older ladies, we headed in to watch the elephant orphans bathe. this was our first encounter with the practice of "native pricing" and "foreigner pricing," and suffice to say my mother and brother can pass while melloy and i are apparently as american as apple pie and a canadian. the elephants bathed in as gorgeous a location as you could imagine. if you have that mental illness where you relate real life to movies, it was like the first few scenes in JURASSIC PARK.

to explain the elephant orphanage, they adopt elephants who have been hurt, abused, or hunted for their ivory. a sweet thought that i desperately hope theres no dark underbelly to.

as the bathing elephantastics were led away, we stopped for a spot of herbal tea and then continued to the other side of the orphanage. the sun turned it up a notch or two, as if to mock the warnings of rain, and melloy got to hug an elephant. he was sort of on display by himself, presumably due to still having his tusks, and i hope the comfort of hugs is universal enough for him to feel despite his somewhat sad life. we watched a few more elephants graze the fields before heading back to the air conditioned car.

as we approached kandy and my mom's old neighborhood, she got more and more exited about the old buildings she recognized and couldn't believe how many new ones had popped up in what used to be an entirely residential neighborhood. even i could tell the difference, despite my memories of kandy being 17 years old and quite vague.

we passed by the church my grandfather built (more on this in a bit), and with that we knew the jayatilake compound was only a few driveways down. the family reunion was a thing to witness. five of the seven jayatilake siblings were back together after years apart -- my mom's sister in austria wasn't able to make it, and the father of the bride, basil, is preparing for the big wedding in colombo. we had a delicious lunch together, and it was fun watching the family warm up to each other after so much time apart.

once again we hit the road, this time to see some sights within kandy. after a couple of scenic stops (including my mom's old school) we arrived at the temple of the tooth relic. this is the temple that supposedly holds buddha's tooth, one of the only remains of his cremation. while visiting hong kong last year, melloy and i had seen another buddha relic with mention that a much larger one was held at a temple in sri lanka. seeing both completed that treasure hunting sidequest.

sean and melloy had to wear sarongs due to their outfits revealing a little too much leg (exclusively wearing jeans finally pays off for me... or does it?), and we all had to remove our shoes. the temple was beautiful, the walk through it was intense, and the dichotomy of how it's claimed buddha isn't worshipped and yet how very clearly worshipped he is was fascinating to observe.

after that we exhaustedly made our way home, with one last stop at the church my grandfather built, st. mary's. only our family knows that the statue of mother mary outside the church, which catholics stop to pray at and kiss every time they pass by on the busy main street, was based on the likeness of our grandmother polly. i wont lie, my cold atheist and anti-colonist heart still warmed at what my grandfather did for his faith and his community. and for polly.

after arriving back at the jayatilake estate, melloy and i decided to crash early, both out of exhaustion and knowing tomorrow begins with a 04:00 wake-up call. that meant not much time could be spent with the family... but hey, there's a wedding coming soon, right?

melloy and i are sleeping in the same bed i slept in when visiting seventeen years ago at age 11. under the same mosquito net, too! being able to share this experience with her has been the best part of the trip.

p.s. mosquitoes are proof that god doesn't exist. eat it, theists.

DAY THREE

never in your life should you ever face as much oncoming traffic as we did today.

it's okay though, our driver is a pro. the day began at 04:00 (also known as my bedtime back home), when we said our goodbyes to the jayatilakes and headed into the mountains. many, many scenic photos later -- misty mountainpeaks! waterfalls! monkeys! -- we arrived at the lush grand hotel for breakfast. it was essentially a sri lankan version of the overlook from the shining, down to the super-creepy hedge animals that i'm pretty sure weren't even based on real animals, just the abstractly monstrous shape of nightmares.

today was mostly documented in photos so i don't need to go into too much detail, but we briefly explored the mountain town of nuwara eliya before taking the long, scenic route back to colombo.

more time was spent in the car than any of us would like to repeat, i think, especially with the crazy sri lankan traffic. add rain to the mix for a perfect concoction of terror. but again, merrill was incredible.

after a brief rest at home we went out for a traditional "village" dinner (more fun -- but just as spicy -- as it sounds) and finally got to meet the bride, briefly, on the eve of her big day. tomorrow is my cousin romayne's wedding, the reason we're all here, and tonight she looked ready to sleep for a month. she left to get started on that beauty rest, and we went home to do the same.

mosquito update: the nets, they do nathing. melloy and i still got devoured, including a trifecta of bites on my middle finger knuckle that swelled to the point of being unable to bend it. cross your fingers (and feel lucky you are able) we have better luck tonight. i'm covered from neck to toe. which i assume means they're coming for my face tonight. if i look swollen in these wedding photos, you know why.

DAY FOUR

my brother and i have cousins all over the world on both sides of our family, but we only had one growing up in canada with us. she's also the only cousin who's exactly my age. and on friday, romayne, the cousin in question, got married.

i always thought we were close, but i wasn't asked to participate in the wedding. sean was asked to give a speech. when i inquired why that was, i was offered a bible reading at the catholic mass.

i declined.

it was everything weddings always are: pretty, long (catholicism, sigh), and full of family drama. i won't go into much of it here, even my own encounters with two huge examples of assholositude, but there was one part of the whole to-do worth mentioning.

the buddhist ceremony came between the catholic ceremony and the reception, and it was truly wonderful to witness. dancers, drums, singers, fire, the whole shabang. it was definitely an experience that almost made up for the traditional (did i mention long?) catholic beginning.

DAY FIVE

saturday began with a trip to galle. it's one of the more dutch-influenced areas of sri lanka, and not being able to picture what that meant definitely made me curious to see it. after another exhilarating drive with merrill, we arrived at a relative-of-a-friend-of-my-mom's for a traditional muslim/sri lankan meal. i'm going to be honest and say i didn't notice any difference outside of the usual variations in curries from house to house, but it was nonetheless delicious.

we left the house to walk around the small town -- literally built inside of a fort. the fort walls were honestly the most interesting part though, because the rest of the town consisted solely of coffee shop/jewelry stores designed to appeal to the tourists and architecture designed to be bland and unappealing.

after that we headed from the fort into a more traditional market to find souvenirs to bring home, and this was way more fun despite the frakking miserable heat. it was mostly cheap trinkets but we managed to find some diamonds in the rough, as well as a delight that melloy spotted: facebook flip-flops. on closer look, the store also had skype and youtube flip-flops -- designed to appeal to gods know who. copyright infringement is a booming business in sri lanka, from disney characters on building art to multiple different restaurants using the pizza hut logo to the, yes, "google dress shop." and speaking of google, why design a logo when google images exists? i saw an accounting firm using the TNT television network logo. they must know drama.

we left galle for unawatuna bay, our first taste of beach life. the indian ocean was... spectacular. i have never, ever been a beach guy... but if we had beaches like this in LA, i might never leave. we got there just in time to watch the sun set as we dipped our feet into the warm water and walked along the coast -- chasing the sun for a few moments, but eventually just relaxing and taking it in. the skies were pink and purple, the moon brilliantly bright despite it still being light outside, and the trees that lined the coast formed a gorgeous silhouette. the aforementioned warm water felt incredible, and for a few brief moments was a perfect respite from the mosquito bites covering my entire body.

oh, mosquito update: once the swelling went down i counted 19 bites on just my left knee.

on our way home, the rain started to pour. melloy and sean slept in the car as we drove towards the lightning in the wet haze. we stopped at KFC at the request of the pierises, under the recommendation that it's very different from its american counterpart. it genuinely was, and was a satisfying if ridiculous meal.

the menu contained both the usual KFC staples as well as bizarre mixtures of sri lankan food with KFC chicken added.

DAY SIX

sunday began sadly, with me dropping melloy off at the airport -- and then not even being allowed in to follow her to check-in, because they charge visitors to enter and we didn't have enough rupees. (very ferengi of sri lanka.) there's no other way to say it, i wasn't ready for her to leave, and i already miss the fuck out of her.

it was a lazy day, consisting of naps, laundry, and podcasts. a good break before what promises to be a busy week.

we've been staying with my aunt shantha and my cousin kanniya. today, kanniya's dad niran returned home from a business trip, and he is a genuine treat to be around. when i was a kid, he was one of the funniest adults i'd ever met. still true.

before dinner we visited my paternal uncle suresh. suresh and my father don't talk very much, and because of that he's probably the uncle we know the least. which is a damn shame, because after meeting him today, he seems far more interesting -- and adorably kind-hearted -- than a lot of the family we do know. we also met his daughter, our cousin shayanthi, whom i met once when she was a toddler and is now 20. the best way i can think to describe her is that she's our hidden cousin, and it was really fun getting to know her over dinner. she seems just as adorable as her father, and about as annoyed as she should have been by mine and sean's perpetual teasing. i really hope we get to see her again.

i now lie awake writing this post after midnight, despite another early wake up call. i also await word from melloy to hear that her trip is going safely. neither of these are very much fun at the moment, so i think it's time to sleep the brief few hours i have away.

goodnight, world.

AN ASIDE

THE SOPRANOS aired a typically brilliant episode in season two, COMMENDATORI, where tony and his (other) family visit italy. on some level they are all hoping to find a piece of themselves, or a sense of home, and they all return to new jersey disappointed. it's a perfect encapsulation of the immigrant experience and how it can leave you never truly feeling at home anywhere in the world.

THE SOPRANOS was hardly the first bit of art to express this idea, but considering how oft-told the story of an immigrant "finding themselves" through discovering their heritage is, it's nice to be reminded what a load of horseshit that can be. a lesser series would have ended with a moment (even if a small one) of revelation or redemption that made the entire trip worth it. COMMENDATORI ended by shying away from none of the emptiness or hollowness that comes from dashed expectations.

i knew all of this heading into the trip to sri lanka, and i was never expecting any sort of catharsis. i wanted to see a beautiful country and take photos, and that's what i've been doing. even with family i've learned the hard way to never to get my hopes up about fitting in. at yet another cousin's wedding in 2008, this time in vienna, the uncle i was most looking forward to meeting after however-many-years gave sean and i the cold shoulder over our perceived lack of religious belief. when even the supposed bond of blood is meaningless, what chance did i have amongst a nation of strangers?

despite my complete lack of expectation of "belonging" and the awareness that i would never fit in here... it has still been incredibly frustrating. growing up in north america but not looking, y'know, white.... you occasionally get stares. in the worst moments, suspicion. more often than not, it's just those same boring old white people questions.

"where are you from?"
"no, no, not canada, where are you *really* from?"
"was it hard to learn how to spell your name?" (no, you diseased fucking cooze.)

those little digs always make your home feel a little less so. i came to sri lanka knowing i wasn't going to fall in love with my supposed motherland, i came here knowing i wouldn't discover anything new about myself or who i am. i suppose what i wasn't expecting was... to be treated like such a foreigner! no matter how canadian/american i feel, to a chunk of the whites i'll always be sri lankan. but guess what? it is abundantly clear to sri lankans that i am not one of them, that i will never be one of them, and in fact all i am is a mark for how much money they can get out of me.

if "where are you from?" comes every once in a while in america, it's an hourly occurrence here... and at first it was amusing, then it was fine, but now it's just fucking worn me down. i'm not trying to lie to you, i'm not trying to pull anything over on you... if you have nothing to say to me other than question my identity, then please just name a fucking price and shut the fuck up.

i never thought i'd say this, but i'm glad the overly tourist activities are over and my last couple of days will just involve family. i was a day or two away from paraphrasing THE SHIELD's dutch wagenbach and exclaiming, "if i sound superior, it's because i'm canadian and you're sri lankan."

A NOTE FROM THE FUTURE

hell, i got mad there for a second huh? it's 2022, and i recently returned from my second trip to sri lanka as an adult -- this time a funeral instead of a wedding, this time almost 40 instead of in my twenties.

i can see why i was frustrated in 2012, and it's not really because of the way we were treated in sri lanka... it's because i hadn't found my place in america yet. i didn't feel at home here, so even though i supposedly went to sri lanka without expectation... of course i was looking for a sense of acceptance that i'd probably been chasing my whole life.

in the intervening decade, luckily, i did find my place at home. i found people of color to befriend, i found my queer community... my life became a lot less cis/white/het, to be blunt. when i travelled to sri lanka a decade later, i was comfortable with who i was and where i came from, and with that confidence i could explore and enjoy sri lanka freely.

it doesn't matter what anyone thinks when they look at me... i'm canadian, i'm american, i'm sri lankan, and the influences that make me come from all three of those places.

sorry i was hurt, sri lanka. it was me, not you.

(and it was the whites.)

DAY SEVEN

we awoke early on monday morning for a six hour drive, stopping only for breakfast at a "thirst-aid station" (cute!), and for chits to buy some clothes and a swimsuit as she'd forgotten her travel bag at the pieris home.

we arrived for our two-night stay at the chaya blu resort in trincomalee. the town of trincomalee was by far the most run-down and poorest we had passed through, and had suffered some of the worst damage from the 2004 tsunami. this is what made it so surprising that after travelling a long, thin, sand-covered side road, we ended up... at the most luxurious beachside resort i had ever seen. the dichotomy between the town that stood right outside the resort and the resort itself was strikingly surreal.

our uncle niran had called the day before and worked his CEYLON OXYGEN magic to make sure we didn't get charged any "foreigner" prices. he'd worked his magic so well that when we entered we were offered a complimentary upgrade to a private chalet that opened out onto the indian ocean. needless to say, there was only one question on my mind... "is this real life?"

feelings were mixed considering the poverty we had just passed through, but to express anything other than appreciation for how lucky we were would be ungrateful. the chalet ended up being adorably cozy, there was even a little bed on the back porch to lie on and face the beach. the hotel provided "driver's quarters" for merrill, as seemed to be the usual in such situations -- more mixed feelings abound.

we didnt stay long in the hotel, despite me being whiney and headachey after the long drive. we jumped back into the car and drove to a hillpeak to see the koneswaram kovil temple. apparently much larger hundreds of years ago, it had been destroyed by colonial attacks in the 1600s, and the underwater ruins were rediscovered by arthur c. clarke and photographer mike wilson in the 1950s. the story was a little more interesting than the temple itself, also built in the '50s. a museum or exhibit devoted to the underwater ruins would have been far more exciting. nonetheless, the temple provided interesting photos and plenty of monkeys. i ended up buying my only souvenir from the trip at a market stand outside the temple, a small statue of ganesh (my namesake?) for the little collection of religious memorabilia melloy and i have built over the years.

a brief visit to the town was made on our way back to the hotel for what ended up being very weak headache medication. sean and i swam in the ocean and then in the hotel pool, surrounded by australians, who i'm starting to think have no idea how funny they sound. my mom and i tried the buffet, which wasnt quite on the level of the food we've previously enjoyed on the trip but was good enough, and a peaceful night was had in this beautiful resort we somehow found ourselves in.

DAY EIGHT

on tuesday my mom and brother woke up to take photos of the sunrise over the ocean. i slept in a little longer, but came out to take photos of the fisherman pulling in their nets. the swarming seagulls were left unsatisfied -- the waves were too strong overnight, and the nets were empty. a relaxing day was planned to take advantage of the resort, but we still had a few local destinations in mind. we travelled to the trincomalee town proper, walking through the markets and visiting the kali kovil temple. we drove around the town afterwards, visiting the natural harbour that made trincomalee a trade destination, and surveying tsunami damaged docks that were never repaired.

sean fell asleep in the car as we took a circular drive around the outskirts of trincomalee, witnessing a new military base and civil war sites just a few years old now. merrill relayed stories of battles and stand-offs to my mom in sinhalese, who translated them for me. it was odd to hear tales/visit sites of rather recent events that will no doubt be considered historically significant in very short time.

next we made our way to the kanniya hot springs, natural wells of hot water that i photographed people bathing and splashing in while remaining covered from neck to foot in my jeans and hoodie. (it's not my fault; the sun and i had a bad break-up years back.) the spot was incredibly beautiful, as were the families enjoying it.

we arrived back at the hotel, where sean and my mom planned to head out along the coast to find a beach described as being particularly breathtaking in our LONELY PLANET guide. happy to stay at our own stunning beach and in a contemplative mood, i took the time to dip into the warm, soft-sanded indian ocean alone. deep thoughts danced through my head, and my hands felt just like two balloons. i let the waves carry me back and forth. it became hard to judge distance, my only view inland being the row of chalets at the resort. perhaps coincidentally and perhaps not, my contemplations of life and death were interrupted by my first experience with undertow. i felt the hand of the ocean pull me deeper, wooing me from the stress and worries of land, and was for a few moments completely powerless to stop it.

after my eventual escape and settling in a safe spot much closer to shore, i saw sean and chits return. sean decided to take a quick run further north along the beach, and i helped my learning-to-swim mom into the ocean. sean finished his run, entered the ocean with us, and the family bonding was plentiful. as the sun set we moved to the pool and continued our bonding while waiting for dinner to be served.

dinner was served, the moon rose over the ocean, and a good night was had by all.

DAY NINE

wednesday began at 05:00, and we watched the sun rise as we left for sigiriya.

sigiriya is a massive, almost cube shaped rock formation that -- as the tale is told -- a palace was built upon. only the ruins of the palace exist now, and climbing the rock is a tourist "must." merrill drove us to a certain point below the rock, where we were told we needed to hire a guide and continue towards the base with them. we did so, hopping on our guide's tuk-tuk (three-wheeled brightly-coloured car/scooter hybrid taxis that populate the streets of sri lanka), and stopped at the sigiriya rest house where we had a quick, shitty breakfast before our climb.

our experience at the base of sigiriya was a fair portion of what inspired the AN ASIDE section of this travelogue, which is to say it wasn't my favourite moment of the trip. i had no interest in trying to sneak in or "pass" as a native... but for some reason (and somehow without me catching on -- it was still very, very early in the morning) that's exactly what was happening yet again. the kerfuffle of figuring out if we should be paying $30 or Rs30 was resolved easily enough, but it was the way the park workers treated us that kindled the frustration that led to the aside.

our mom took the tuk-tuk back to the rest house, and sean and i began the trek with our guide.

at the base of sigiriya are the ruins of the water gardens. man-made ponds and fountains, hundreds of years old. we passed the elephant rock, one of three animal totems at sigiriya, and climbed.

photos were taken all the way up which thankfully also allowed for breathers, because exhaustion set in far quicker than anticipated. the stairs were steep and numbered many. much teasing has occurred after the fact about me making the climb in my traditional jeans and hoodie, but i maintain that i feel cooler when the sun isn't touching my skin. (see again: my bad breakup with the scareball. and you try mixing direct sunlight and skin covered in mosquito bites!) what i definitely didn't need was my messenger bag, but that was part of the foreigner/non-foreigner, "you might need your passport!" debate that i wasn't yet awake enough to argue.

halfway up sigiriya was a rickety spiral staircase that led to a mid-mountain art installation. the story goes that when buddhists claimed the land after the palace had been destroyed, they removed all the art and frescoes that had been painted on the rocks. why? because as paintings should, they consisted mostly of topless women. the only remaining frescoes were the handful at this mid-mountain precipice, protected under cover from the weather with a walkway for us to pass them by -- no touching! they were breathtakingly beautiful.

there was one more rest before we reached the top, the base of the lions paws, the second animal totem. between the massive paws was the final staircase. we climbed to the top, and... it was incredible. this is another situation where photos will speak louder than words, so i'll leave it be. suffice to say it would have been worth three more of those climbs. there were two other potential mountain climbs we considered on the trip, one called "world's end" and one called "adam's peak." sean was determined to climb adam's peak (to the dismay of certain family members, inexplicably) and world's end piqued my interest. in the end we didnt get to do either, so i'm glad we at least climbed sigiriya. an unforgettable experience.

the climb down went a different route. we witnessed aggressive monkeys steal (or persuade?) food from tourists and arrived at the final animal totem, the cobra rock. by no mere coincidence, at the base of the cobra rock was a snake charmer. i'm not sure why the snake charming captured my imagination... something from childhood? an old issue of THE ADVENTURES OF TINTIN? whatever the reason, i couldn't help but stop and watch, and for a few rupees i was able to take a photo of the snake being charmed. i could have stood there watching for ten more minutes, but no one else was interested.

we left sigiriya and walked back to the rest house, as there were no tuk-tuks to take us there. chits and merrill were waiting for us, and i ordered what might have been the best bottle of coke in my life. during our brief respite we witnessed a family of tourists riding an elephant... and it made me glad we never pursued that activity during our stay. it may have looked somewhat adorable when the elephant raised its trunk above its head to grab the snacks the family fed it, but... it just didn't feel right.

we left for the town of dambulle to see the cave temples, caves adorned as shrines to buddha (whom they definitely don't worship, nope, not at all) in the hills behind the monstrous golden temple. this involved another hill-climbing session, though 'twas cake compared to the last one. we parked, bought tickets from a guard, and walked towards the path. my mom had no intention of climbing so she sat it out at the bottom of the hill while sean, merrill, and myself began the walk up the tourist and monkey-filled path. i fell behind to take photos, and was stopped halfway up by some folk trying to sell something-or-other who inevitably began the conversation with an aggressive, "where are you from?!" i soldiered on, ignoring them, but by the time we got to the top it was clear more issues were ahead. the guard at the bottom of the hill who sold us tickets had assessed our foreignness as "not very" but the ticket-takers at the top clearly disagreed. after two hikes i wasn't much in the mood to strip off my shoes and socks to enter the caves anyway, so i said fuck it and wandered to the edge of the hill to take photos. sean was more intent on seeing the buddha caves regardless of asshole ticket-takers and shoe-guarders, so he trekked back to the bottom of the hill in his bare feet to buy the "proper" ticket for himself.

i took a few photos of the gorgeous view on the olympus, as well as a lovely panorama on the phone camera. i made my way back down the hill by my lonesome and got the best chance i'd have on the trip to take close-up shots of monkeys. the frustration that went into AN ASIDE was brewing, but it was hard to be distressed when surrounded by such beautiful sights.

i met chits at the bottom of the hill, where we sat and waited for sean and merrill. when they arrived we left for lunch at the kandalama hotel, designed by renowned architect geoffrey bawa. the hotel was designed to blend into the forest and hill it was built on, and succeeded quite well at that feat. the lunch was delicious, though we again dealt with the class issue of merrill having to eat in the driver's quarters.

we reentered the car for the trip to kandy. our original intention was to head home to colombo, but sean wanted one last trip to the jayatilake estate so he could interview elmo, long considered to be the family historian. torn between wanting to see my mom's home one last time and wanting to be done with overlong car trips, my brother's will and my eagerness to explore and photograph the jayatilake compound won out. unfortunately by the time we arrived in kandy it was dark outside, just like our first visit, so exploring and photographing the property was out. my mom and i had a brief tea with the few family members milling about before leaving sean to his business.

the drive back to colombo was long, dark, and wet. sri lankan traffic was already scary, but sri lankan traffic at night and in the rain? roland and his ka-tet kept me company courtesy of stephen king, frank muller, and the wonder of audiobooks. we eventually made it home safe and sound.

DAY TEN

thursday began with a little colombo exploration, finally. with our eagerness to see everything we could in sri lanka, we had neglected to spend much time in the capital itself. this was remedied with a shopping trip.

to clarify, chits and shantha did the shopping, and i just took everything in. the shops consisted of literally nothing but clothes, jewelry and kitchen utensils. the same three types of stores, over and over for blocks and blocks. the architecture was exciting and the streets were filled with interesting characters though, so i had plenty of fun with the camera. shantha and chits treated me to two wonderful sarongs, which is all i was hoping to bring home from sri lanka anyway.

when we arrived back home sean had returned from kandy, and we hung out with kanniya until our first non-wedding obligation of the trip. having been bored to tears meeting "family" on previous trips, i told my mom i had no interest in meeting people we supposedly "knew" and that outside of the wedding i was only here to explore the country. she obliged me for the majority of the trip... but she had met a couple at the wedding who invited us to dinner, and out of "respect to our grandparents" (which is to say, dead people i never met) we apparently had no choice but to attend. to be perfectly honest i thought far more of these situations would have come up over the last two weeks, so to only deal with one was a relief... but i still tried like hell to get out of it. the connection to our family was so tenuous it's already been forgotten, and the conversation was horrifically awkward.

the dinner was of course wonderful, but equally awkward in its own way. the hostess, in some sort of old school tradition, didn't eat but instead hovered around the table and constantly pushed more food on everyone seated. she'd literally look at my plate full of shrimp and ask why i hadn't served any shrimp. watching the amusement of the diners turn to irritation and then back to amusement again might have been the highlight of the obligated visit. well, that and the ice cream... a flavor so obscure i can't even remember the name, just the deliciousness.

not a highlight: watching everyone high-five the sick toddler who'd been running around all night coughing and hacking into his hands. a little germophobia is a good thing, everyone!

we got to experience a bit of colombo's nightlife with kanniya and a friend of hers who was celebrating her birthday. we... had drinks at a hotel, which was exactly same experience as having drinks at a hotel anywhere else in the world. finding out where sri lankans go to dance, do drugs, and be weird will have to be reserved for a future visit.

THE FINAL DAY

my last day, friday, was sadly rather uneventful. plans were made that fell through, and the day was wasted listening to podcasts and catching up on the internets. it was more than a bit of a bummer, but there was nothing that could be done about it. evening came and we went out to meet our uncle suresh and his family. suresh was once more so very happy to see us, and we got to see old photos of the r********m side of the family. we took shayanthi out for tea and watched the sun set over the beach... my final sri lankan sunset.

night came, and so began the countdown to leaving. my flight home was at 02:00, and sean had planned his trip to india to coincide with my departure. his flight was at 04:00 and it made sense for us to leave together. unfortunately, the colombo airport split sean and i up rather quickly. i snuck my way through the airport procedures in minutes (hooray for never checking luggage) and made it to my gate... but not before finding my aunt and uncle, sima and derrick, in a neighboring gate on their way back to canada. unfortunately again, each gate had its own security check-in, and the only way we could communicate was makeshift sign language through the thick, soundproof glass. it was wonderful to see them and get to say goodbye, regardless. once securely in my own gate i repeated this process with sean, who was allowed in closer to his flight time.

having travelled by myself more than with others over the years, i think i relate airports to a certain feeling of loneliness. this time even though i was flying alone, i was surrounded by family scattered all over the airport and it was an appropriate and comforting end to the trip.

...and then it was over. i may not miss the mosquitos or sweating through every layer of clothing, but for all my "just a tourist here to take photos" bluster... being in sri lanka did mean something more. it wasn't "home" and there was certainly no cheesy-movie catharsis to be found, but it wasn't just any old random vacation either. why would i have cared so much about feeling like i didn't belong if a part of me didn't want to belong there? i don't yet know why it echoed with me in some resonant place deep inside, but it did. what i do know is... i won't wait 17 years to go back.

so, how did you spend your summer vacation?

2012.04.19